The Schoonovers

Let me start by saying that how we ended our last post is still what we believe. God has shown and is continually showing us

1. He cares for us
2. He sees us in this
3. He is going before us
4. Regardless of the outcome, we will be okay.

So we continue to hold on loosely (even when we want to grip things so tightly), love big (even when our hearts could be so broken at any second), and take it one moment (or second) at a time.

The surrender was scheduled for yesterday morning, June 4. We have known from the beginning of this journey that there’s always a very real possibility that a birth mom can and may change her mind up until a certain point. We went into yesterday morning knowing that if we could just get through the surrender and make it to June 9, we would be in the clear.

Our agency recommended that we have someone keep baby girl while we went to the surrender so we dropped her off with a close friend at 7:30. The surrender was set to take place at 8:30 am at the juvenile court. We showed up at 8:00 am waiting for what was to come and our attorney met us shortly thereafter. By 8:20 am, her attorney was there but birth mom wasn’t and he wasn’t sure whether or not she would be there. Our hearts were already sinking.

She did end up showing up but made it very clear to her attorney and representatives that she wanted baby girl back and did not want to move forward with the surrender. It was the very outcome we feared and hoped not to experience. To say we were heartbroken would be such a big understatement.

With this particular situation, it wasn’t as simple as just returning baby to birth mom’s care. There were some extenuating factors that required DCS to get involved if the adoption plan wasn’t followed. There are details of this whole situation that would not be appropriate to share in this forum but the sorrow of this situation goes far beyond just us. I and others involved in our case openly cried (or in my case sobbed) in the crowded lobby of the juvenile court waiting room without shame because our hearts were hurting at the outcome of the situation each for different reasons and some of the same.

Since birth mom did not move forward with the voluntary surrender, baby girl is going to have to go into DCS custody. We still have her in our care for now and we have been told that they are willing to fast track us for foster parent approval to keep her in our care while everything gets sorted out so we can be her emergency placement and she can have as little disruption to her care as possible for the time being. We don’t know how that will play out yet, but we are taking it moment by moment and will know when it’s time to know.

With that, it’s still so unclear how long she will be with us. We may have her for another day, another few weeks or months, or a lifetime, and that’s so hard to say because selfishly we really want it to be a lifetime. However, the goal of foster care isn’t adoption. It is reunification with the birth family. If they determine that baby girl is safe to return to birth mom’s care, she will be returned. If they determine that baby girl is not safe to return to birth mom’s care but could in the future, a plan will be made to create a path to reunification if followed. If they determine that baby girl is not safe to return to birth mom’s care, it’s unlikely that she would be able to ever safely return to her care and there’s grounds to terminate rights, then we could still potentially move towards adoption. There are so many unknowns and to be honest, this is so far from the plan we had or what we hoped for, but we love this baby and want to care for her as long as we can.

So, how are we feeling? We are heartbroken, sad, confused, angry at moments, and weirdly hopeful at the same time. We’re taking it moment by moment and giving ourselves space to feel our feelings and snuggle baby girl.

The last week and a half has been hard in ways I cannot even begin to explain, but I truly mean it when I say that I still am seeing the Lord go before us even in this. We don’t understand why He’s allowing this situation to play out the way it is currently, but we know He sees the whole picture when we see such a small part of it. At the end of the day, we have no choice but to continue to take it moment by moment and trust that God will continue to see us through and His will for baby girl, us, and others involved will be fulfilled.

Many of our friends have asked how they can support us in this and our answer has been just to pray, give us space to process, let us show up and sit on your couch if we need to not be alone for a little while, and that’s it. It doesn’t feel like a lot to others when I say it, but there’s really nothing else to be done. There’s nothing we can even do right now other than pray, wait, be present in the current moment, and take the next moment as it comes however it comes. So, if you’ve been praying us through this journey, I would ask you to continue to do so.

With Love,

The Schoonovers