Home Stretch

Yesterday was Mother’s Day and it was such a stark contrast from around the same time last year. Last year, I straight up ugly cried at the zoo the day after Mother’s Day watching all the families with young kids. The grief of our situation at the time ran very deep.

This year, we are filled with excitement and hopeful expectation of the baby girl we are about to welcome into our home on May 24 – 12 short days from now. It’s crazy how much things can change in a year.

I feel like there’s a temptation to rejoice in the goodness of God and talk about how blessed we are in the season we’re in now and not stop to acknowledge God in the incredibly difficult season that came before, but the reality is that God was just as near and good in the grief as he is in the joy and hopefulness we are experiencing now. As much as it didn’t feel like a blessing in the moment, I wholeheartedly believe that the gratitude we have now is so much richer because of what came before.

The depths of unmet longing pushed us to lean into and trust God with our situation. We knew biological children weren’t promised to us but we believed that God wanted us to submit our desires to Him. This trust and submission in the hardship helped us to be open and receptive to the work God was doing. Trusting God didn’t mean our sorrow or grief disappeared or that it was suddenly easy. It meant we believed that God was still God, He cared for us, He was in it with us, and He was still working, so we were just going to keep putting one foot in front of the other and seeking Him in it. Had we not sought Him in this, we wouldn’t have taken the time to pause, see God leading us to adoption sooner than we planned, and yield to His leading.

We still have to choose daily to surrender and trust. A couple weeks ago we found out that birth mom wants to meet us before she gives birth. We’ve had so much peace throughout this entire process, but when we first heard that, fears flooded in and a lot of anxiety in general.

Is this a good or bad thing?
What if she doesn’t like us?
What if her daughters don’t like us?
What if she changes her mind?
What do we talk about?
What’s the general standard for these interactions? (as if there is one)

Matt and I took time to stop and talk about it and acknowledge our fears. By the next morning, the surge of fear had mostly passed and peace had returned and the recognition that there’s a lot in this that we do not have control over and it’s not worth it to get carried away with anxiety over things we cannot control, and we again came back to surrender and trust.

We did still call the agency to hear from them and it helped reinforce the peace we had returned to. We also learned that as much as we were worried she wouldn’t like us, she’s also worrying that we won’t like her. She also wants to make sure we know she’s not abandoning her child, which we don’t think at all.

There are so many situations that lead to someone creating an adoption plan for their child. Out of respect for the birth family, we won’t be publicly sharing the details of their story, but we do fully recognize that birth mom is making the most loving decision she can for her baby by creating an adoption plan.

We also received a text from our agency a few weeks ago to tell us birth mom LOVED our adoption profile book and she teared up when she saw one small detail in our profile that helped her feel reassured in her decision. “She said that was like God telling her this was the right couple. God is so big.”

Matt and I both got really emotional when we got that text. We’ve felt so seen by God and seen Him moving in big ways on our side of this situation and it was so cool to see that birth mom is feeling, experiencing, and receiving that from God in her own way.

This Wednesday we will meet birth mom and her other two kids for the first time. We are praying that God will go before us in this meeting, that this will help ease any concerns that birth mom and her older daughter may still have, and that we will all walk away knowing each other better and with a deeper care and respect for each other.

To our knowledge, this will be our only meeting before we seem them at the hospital for baby’s birth. Birth mom’s C-section has officially been scheduled for May 24. The agency is working with the hospital to coordinate everything.

We don’t know fully what to expect that day. Birth mom plans to spend as much time with baby as possible before she is discharged and to allow time for her older daughter to spend time with baby as well. If the hospital has availability, we will have a private room to also spend time and bond with baby in the hospital.

Birth mom has asked to hand the baby off to us and see her with us when she gets discharged from the hospital. Baby will then be solely in our care and will come home from the hospital with us when she’s released from care.

The termination of parental rights will take place sometime during the week of Memorial Day depending on when it can be scheduled with the court. Once that happens, birth mom will have three business days to change her mind. If she changes her mind, we will return baby girl to her care. If she doesn’t, baby girl will stay in our care and we will be her legal guardians.

At the time of the termination of parental rights, a post-adoption contact agreement will also be entered outlining what future contact/updates looks like. In our case, birth mom has requested email updates with pictures.

In the state of Tennessee adoptions cannot be finalized until 6 months after the child is placed with the adoptive parents. Our agency will check in and visit with us every two months after placement to make sure things are going well until the adoption is finalized towards the end of the year.

Prayer requests for the next couple of weeks:

Meeting birth family this week
Delivery to go smoothly for birth mom and baby
The handoff at the hospital
The three day wait after the termination paperwork is submitted
Birth family to feel cared for and loved
Continued posture of surrender and trust regardless of the outcome

To all of you who have been following along on this journey with us and who have supported us through prayers, encouragement, financial support, gifts, etc., we appreciate you all more than you will ever know. Thank you!

With love,

The Schoonovers